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  1. Too Many Cooks

From the recording Hubris

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Lyrics

Bang! At the door, three or four, they are clad in
White, I invite them in and then they begin in their
Hats with the bulgy bits. Indulgent gits who sit and
Witlessly debate and it frustrates me so I tell them so but
What do you know? They don't comprehend but
Only talk in circles, shirking work and cutting corners always
Fawning over older cooks who wrote the books they imitate,
In the end I take my leave for such a brief reprieve

’Cause soon there's a spoon arcing up, sailing fast across the
Room, I assume that the bastards must have thrown it, with a
Blow to my head, what I said, I shall not repeat the
Words, sternly put to the effect that they should beat a retreat
I walked through the door, and I baulked at the things I saw
Assortments of salts and preservatives upon the floor
And what is more, a deficiency of recipe and
It was not the deal that they should murder my meal

Quite the beastly bistro this has become, oh
I wish I'd never let them into my kitchen

Gigantic ants in the pantry
Punting the poor paltry poultry
Pies made of plywood, dry pud
and fox in woks

Their hats get too big for their boots, alpha chef recruits the
Worst excuse for humans with confusing views on who's allowed to
Take lengthy breaks, and they make strange mistakes cause
No one pays attention to the broth, and did I mention they are
Not too meticulous. It is ridiculous but
They refuse to use the most expedient ingredients so
What is the point? Poignantly drab and disappointing,
So many condiments the food she's of-a no consequence

Quite the ghastly gastro this has become, oh
I wish I'd never let them into my kitchen

Gigantic ants in the pantry
Punting the poor paltry poultry
Gulags of ghoulish goulash
And pots of rot

Too many cooks have spoiled the broth, I've had enough, the gloves are off
Too many cooks have spoiled the broth, I've had enough, oven gloves are off
Without further ado, I pull off my shoe and I batter the buggers to death
Put the brute in the force and create a new sauce so tonight
I shall dine upon chef.